Doula Weekend (Part 1)

As I begin to type this I can't honestly say how many parts there will be. I feel grateful and full after this weekend. I am full of knowledge, truth and love about being a doula. A quote that one of the instructors kept saying over and over again this weekend is that being a doula is "heart work." This weekend was a lot of heart work but I feel like the puzzle pieces have come together and what joy and peace I have. Though I'm bursting at the seams to empower you by sharing all the information I learned, I have to first start this by going back to just before Christmas 2009.

A month or so before Christmas my husband Phil had asked me if there was anything that I really wanted him to get me. I couldn't think of anything so it left him to find something on his own. I feel really loved when I receive gifts and with knowing that Phil really pondered what he should get me. So cue Christmas Day. I was sitting on the rocker at my mom's place with Zemirah on my lap trying to open presents and I get to the gifts from my man. As I opened them up I saw two books The Birth Partner and The Doula Book. I smiled for the photo but later my heart hurt.

You see I had talked to Phil about being a doula and had been to DONA's website a handful of times before...but I didn't believe I could do it. When would I have time to read? Would I ever know enough to actually help a woman through labor and birth? What if no one ever asked me to be their Doula?....(looking back I realize how many lies I was believing..but on with the story) You see Phil had seen the passion and wonder in my eyes and my heart pour forth when I talked about helping women and their partners through labor and delivery. He believed in me, he knew that God was calling me to it. So for months my books sat right next to the computer, I looked at them everyday and read them when I could when I felt like it. I mentioned to a couple friends that I was studying to be a doula and one of my friends asked me to be at her birth. After she asked I realized 'oh crap' I need to get going on my reading. I started reading a ton and the more I read, the more I realized just how much I longed to be a doula. Though that friend ended up choosing to just have her husband with her (which is totally cool- again a doula is all about supporting the mother's desires) I really have to thank her. Had it not been for her giving me the possibility, I wouldn't have dove in. So I read and read and guess what? Along came another friend who asked me to be their doula. It was the first time I had experienced birth from that side of the bed (my daughter was technically my first birth-I'll tell that story later). Being a doula for that birth changed.my.life. I knew I had found my calling. This is Samuel and I (I asked permission to share this):

Right after his birth I knew that I wanted to attend a conference and I kept going back and forth about when. Maybe I should go next summer to Ann Arbor so that we could stay with my mom? Maybe I should go now....back and forth it went. I told Phil I didn't know if I should go yet especially with finances being a little crunched (which later God ended up taking care of in one of the most gracious and loving ways), he said "I think we should go...yes, let's go" If anyone knows my husband, he is the most giving man I've ever met. If we eat out, he lets me choose. If I want to buy Zemirah maybe one too many puzzles because their on sale (that totally didn't happen today), he normally says ok. It's not that he's a push over or I'm a miss bossy pants but I use those examples to say that when Phil says "let's go" well I know he means it and we're going (I love that about him). So I sent in the money, got the pretest sent in, read everything but one chapter in Penny Simkin's book (by the way..she is the mother doula, love her!), found a place to stay for free thanks to friend, and well this past weekend we went.


The conference was wonderful. At the end of the day on Sunday we broke into groups. 5 women went with each instructor (there were three instructors). I ended up being in the main woman's group. As the five of us girls sat down to get ready to be her doula, she said to us "I picked the groups, and chose you to be in my group." I about cried, and again I was humbled. As she said that it reminded me of how much Phil believed in me. As we stood around at the end and did a fun little yarn activity. We each said what we felt we could bring to the labor room and what we were taking from the weekend. As I stood next to this woman she said to us all, "what I take from this weekend is I'm passing the torch to you women..." It touched my heart deeply. As the yarn was thrown to me, I kept going back and forth about what I wanted to say. When the words came out (I was fighting tears) I said "I'm going to bring belief into the labor room, belief in women, their bodies, and the way God created them. What I'm going to take (picturing Phil's face) is courage, courage to follow my dreams and believing in myself just like my husband did, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be at this conference..." 


We wrapped up and I walked out to the van. Phil and Zemirah had actually been waiting for me inside, so I turned around and I heard the loudest little joyful squeal. My little girl was running towards me, giggling all the way, she even dropped her rock and leaf (which she had been holding onto for a half an hour according to Daddy). My husband had the biggest smile on his face and told me that he was so proud of me. I got into the van and on the seat was a card. He told me how proud of me he is in the card and even wrote a message from Zemirah too. I told him how thankful I was and he asked me to tell him all about my conference. I poured out my heart on the drive home and he listened intently. It has been such a beautiful journey so far and I am excited for what is to come.

My name, Melinda, actually means grateful and for the longest time I have believed the lie that I'm not a grateful person...but truly I am grateful, with such a God as the one we have, a husband that supports my dreams, a daughter who has such beauty that I've never seen before, and with being blessed to have such a wonderful calling as a doula-my heart is full. Pouring over the top and not going to stop full.

Phil- I love you, you are my best friend. Thank you for supporting me and leading me even when I don't think I can do it. You see me like Jesus does, and for that there are no words to thank you enough.

Peace to your home,
Mama B.

 Here I am with my certificate: